Oblivious
by mr. eames
Summary: Arriving at every conclusion except for the correct one, Kenny brings oblivious to a whole new level. But really, it would be a lot easier to figure out who Stan and Kyle are dating if they'd stop spending so much time together. Oneshot, crack, Stan/Kyle.


**Oblivious  
**

**A/N**: Because sometimes I feel like this is what would honestly happen is Stan and Kyle went out, and Kenny seems just oblivious enough to be the main perpetrator. Also because I need to stop writing so much damn angst.**  
Warnings**: Kenny being slightly, er, you know, ignorant, never really saying when this takes place (just assume high school, aka when almost every other SP fic takes place), slash and hints at femmeslash, and poking a bit of fun at the SP slash fandom in general.  
**Pairing(s)**: Kyle/Stan, implied (often wrongly) others, as well as hints at Kenny/Butters, because I can't resist sometimes, really, I can't.  
**Disclaimer**: Oh, you know.

Kenny McCormick was at a loss for words.

Of course, this wasn't entirely rare. His friends often did such odd things that Kenny found himself unable to do much else than stare for a few moments and then walk away. It was to be expected, considering who his friends were, and Kenny could handle that, really he could. He knew he was just as weird at the rest of them at times, so in turn for putting up with them, they put up with him.

And Kenny could put up with a lot of things. He could put up with Kyle and Cartman fighting nonstop until someone had to stop the other from devising a plot to cleanse the world of the other's ethnicity. And he could put up with Stan's almost unhealthy obsession with preventing animal cruelty and was willing to not say anything when Stan ate meat without a second thought.

But this...well this was just _frustrating_.

What right, after all, did Stan and Kyle have to flounce around all lovey dovey without telling him who, exactly, was the cause of their sudden change in mood?

Kenny needed to know these things. Well, scratch that. He needed to be _told _these things. He was well aware of the fact that he wasn't the most observant guy around and so were all of his friends. Years of wearing his parka all the time had dulled his senses somewhat, he didn't pay much attention to things around him, so his friends had to tell him things like this so he didn't feel so out of it.

But no one had bothered to tell him what was going on.

Even worse Kyle and Stan never seemed to be with anyone besides each other. When Kenny made the extra effort to watch out for who they were hanging out with all he could find were his two friends with each other. And that was nice and all, they probably had a lot to talk about, sharing the experience of dating someone. Kyle and Stan were great best friends, Kenny knew that much, but they had to be around the people they were dating at some point, regardless of how close their friendship was and Kenny was determined to figure things out.

Then he realized, nearly slapping himself on the forehead, what was going on. How could he have been so stupid? Looking back it was so obvious, and he felt stupid for not figuring it out earlier.

He found Wendy Testaburger, practically glowing after second hour. Shaking his head at his own foolishness, Kenny approached her with a grin, knowing she had probably just seen Stan. Kenny wasn't one for mushy love, but he had to give credit where credit was due, they did make a good couple.

"Congrats, Wendy," he said, satisfied that he had figured things out at last.

However, Wendy looked at him, confused and simply said, "What?"

"I know, I know," Kenny said with a small laugh. "It took me a while to figure it out. I know you and Stan got back together a while ago, but I just wanted to say I was happy for you guys and all that."

"Um," Wendy began tentatively. She squinted, but then her eyes widened and Kenny was surprised to hear her snort. "I'm not going out with Stan, Kenny. Are you joking around with me or something?"

"Wait, you're not - but you look so happy," Kenny explained quickly, trying to figure out what he had done wrong.

"Yeah, I just found I did really well on my Human Bio test last week," Wendy said. "Just because I'm happy doesn't mean it has something to do with Stan." And with that she turned around, leaving Kenny to contemplate her words. It was then that it hit him, oh God, he had really messed up. Honestly, sometimes he was so blind he couldn't even believe it himself.

At lunch he found Kyle sitting alone at their table. Stan and Cartman weren't there yet, making it the perfect opportunity for Kenny to explain to Kyle - who would certainly be more understanding than Stan - his mistake and apologize that he hadn't said anything earlier. Even better Kyle had his Human Bio book out and was looking over some of the material, making Kenny sure he had finally reached the right conclusion.

"Hey, Kyle," Kenny greeted his friend as he sat down across from him. "You'll be happy to know that I know what's going on now, and let me just say I'm surprised, but entirely supportive."

"Er," Kyle said, looking up from his book and blinking. "About...what?"

Kenny smiled serenely, "Your love life, stupid. It came as a bit of a shock, I'll admit, but hey, I can't blame you." After all, he thought, Wendy was pretty, he had never really noticed before since he had always connected her romantically to Stan and off-limits as a result in his mind. "Not many people could resist those good looks after all, though sometimes I do wonder if how anyone could naturally have that dark of hair. Pretty though."

Kyle blinked at him again. "Oh, uh, thanks Kenny," he said, slowly. "Stan's going to be amused when I tell him you called his hair pretty."

"No, no, Wendy's hair," Kenny corrected.

"What? Why are you talking about Wendy's hair?" The redhead sounded genuinely confused, which just served to confuse Kenny as well.

"Well you're dating her," Kenny stated. Kyle paled. "Okay, so you're...not dating her?"

"You think I'm...Kenny were you even listening last week?" Kyle asked. Kenny found himself unable to answer. Sometimes Kyle was downright scary when he got angry. "Honestly, you were the last person I expected this from. Cartman, yeah, but...Jesus, I guess you just haven't accepted it yet, have you?" And with that he grabbed his book and stalked away leaving Kenny to go over what could have possibly gone wrong in his head.

While he was thinking about it Cartman sat down across from him, lunch tray piled high with food.

"Hey, Cartman," Kenny said, still staring after Kyle, his face twisted in deep thought. "Look, maybe you can clear something up for me. Who is Kyle dating?"

Cartman seemed to debate how to answer that question while eating half of a pop-tart. Finally he said, "I _knew _you weren't listening last week when Jewboy made his little announcement about his sexual orientation," with a grin.

Kenny could have slapped himself. He always missed the most important things. No _wonder _everyone thought he was being a jerk. Here he was thinking about all the possible girls Kyle could be dating and - well it certainly made sense at least. Kenny would have been angry if anyone had made the same mistake about him. He gave Cartman a quick thanks and rushed out of the lunchroom. It was quite obvious who, given the chance, Kyle would be dating, then.

Kenny found Christophe behind the school, enjoying - or at least he assumed that the brooding, angsty look on the French boy's face meant that he was enjoying it - a cigarette.

"Well if you don't look happier than usual," Kenny said in a teasing voice. Christophe looked at him as if he would like nothing better than to murder him where he stood. _Yes_, Kenny though, sure of himself, _definitely happier than usual_.

"What iz et?" was all Christophe said, glaring at the blond.

"Don't act like you don't know." Kenny could barely contain his smile. Oh, certainly, it had taken him a while to figure things out, but he had finally sorted it all and he was happy with the results, Christophe and Kyle were well suited for each other if he really thought about it. Well, at least, he couldn't see them killing each other without a great deal of provocation. "I only just realized what was going on, I know I'm late, but I hope things work out for you and Kyle."

Christophe blinked at him, much in the same way, Kenny thought with a small smile, that Kyle had earlier at the lunch table. He always found it funny when couples adopted one another's mannerisms. "Broflovski?" he asked. "What about 'im?"

"Oh, come on, Christophe, really," Kenny said, shaking his head, "you can at least call your boyfriend by his first name."

"My..._what_?" Christophe said, incredulously.

"Um," Kenny began, suddenly feeling a little less triumphant. "You mean, you aren't dating Kyle?"

"Why in ze world would I be dating _Kyle_?" Christophe said, sounding honestly surprised at the accusation. "I barely even talk to 'im. And besides, I'm straight."

"Oh, well, sorry to have insinuated," Kenny said, glaring at Christophe, who seemed perplexed as to why, before turning sharply and walking away. Some people just had to bring things like that up at all times. Kenny shook his head and returned to the problem at hand. Seeing as he couldn't think of anyone else Kyle would be dating at the moment he decided to focus on Stan.

Now who, he wondered, would Stan be dating besides Wendy?

Kenny's mind drew a blank.

Were there any girls in South Park besides Wendy? It certainly didn't seem like it at most times. He vaguely remembered a girl with red hair, but couldn't put a name to her face, almost as if no one had ever given her one. There was that Goth girl but - no, Stan would have to be Goth to date her and, as unobservant as Kenny was, he knew Stan definitely wasn't Goth. The only name he could think of was Marjorine and that clicked for a moment in his memory, but she had moved away, hadn't she? Or something like that anyway.

Immersed in thought Kenny walked into his fourth hour class and sat down. All of a sudden it was right in front of him, quite literally, as Bebe Stevens sat down across from him. Well this was unexpected, but if he squinted a bit it made sense. Wendy and Bebe were best friends, perhaps Stan had seen a lot of Bebe while dating Wendy and decided he liked the blond better. In fact the more he thought about it, the ambiguous components of Bebe's personality, mixed with the one's he assumed had to be there, meshed well with Stan's utter normalcy.

That was to say, Bebe and Stan would be a wonderfully perfect normal couple that could be in any television drama or teen movie.

Why hadn't he seen it sooner?

He smiled at Bebe, whose response was to say, "What are _you _so happy about?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Kenny said, his smile widening. "It's just, I've been trying to figure out who Stan was dating all day and I just realized who it was."

"Is that all?" Bebe responded, raising an eyebrow. "I would have thought it was obvious - I mean, the whole school knew about it months before it even happened."

"Really?" Kenny frowned now. "I don't even remember you and Stan talking months ago." Come to think of it, he didn't remember Stan and Bebe talking at all, they didn't seem to share any classes and they never went out of their way to have a conversation. Well, that didn't mean they didn't talk on the phone or hang out on the weekends, though. Plenty couples weren't always together. And, Kenny thought, feeling a bit bad for Bebe as he did, it would be hard for her to get a word in edgewise with Kyle and Stan always together these days, those two were practically inseparable. Sometimes Kenny wished he had a friend he was that close to.

"Me and Stan?" Bebe said, interrupting Kenny's train of thought. Her voice sounded oddly amused. "You think - Kenny are you _blind_?"

"I don't think so," Kenny replied, though he was beginning to wonder himself.

Bebe rolled her eyes. "At least not in the literal sense," she said after a few moments, and then she refused to say anything more about the matter, leaving Kenny to feel confused for the rest of the hour.

Once more Kenny McCormick found himself at a loss for words. He had managed to asked his fifth hour teacher for a pass to the bathroom, but he couldn't, for the life of himself, form any more coherent thoughts than that. He stood in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, trying to figure out what was going on. It was then that Butters Stotch wandered in, singing something under his breath about apples.

"Oh, h-hey Kenny!" the blond said with a nervous smile.

"Hey," Kenny said, monotone, in answer, as he looked in the mirror.

"Are you alright?" Butters asked, his small smile turning into a frown.

Kenny sighed. "I just - well, I'm just confused, I guess," he said. "I've been trying to figure it out all day, but no matter what I do it seems like I come to the wrong conclusion. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe Stan and Kyle aren't dating anyone at all. Do you know, Butters?" He knew it was a bit of a hopeless question, after all, why would Butters know anything about who Stan and Kyle were dating?

"I thought...w-well, I thought they were datin' each other," Butters said, cocking his head to the side.

"Wha - no, Butters, no," Kenny said, with a laugh. "That makes no sense."

"Oh." Butters seemed to accept that for a moment, but then he looked up from the floor. "I-it doesn't?"

"Well, no, Butters, Kyle and Stan are best _friends_," Kenny explained, stressing the last word. "I mean, they're really close and all, but just because it might seem like it sometimes they aren't dating." Leave it to Butters to jump to conclusions like that. Kenny knew a bit better though and he was happy he could say that he did. Sure, Stan and Kyle acted a lot closer than most friends Kenny knew. But that was just because they had always been together and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

"Oh," Butters said again, pursing his lips. "But, the other day I saw them kissin' an' stuff. Best friends don't usually do that, do they?"

"You - you...what?"

"Yeah," Butters said with a smile. "It w-was, uh, a couple days ago. An' I saw them kissin' before school, an' I said, uh, you know, 'hey, fellas,' and they just said 'hey, Butters,' right back to me," the blond mimicked a small waving motion. "S-so, I thought they were datin', because that's usually what you do with someone you're datin', you know?"

Kenny McCormick couldn't answer, as he once again found himself as a loss for words.

* * *

The next day Kenny coughed to announce his presence at the lunch table. Kyle and Stan sat across from him, very - _concentrated_, Kenny decided was the word, on each other. They parted to look at him, Stan looking thoroughly interested in what the blond had to say, and Kyle looking quite like he wouldn't mind helping Christophe murder Kenny if the chance was presented to him.

Kenny merely cleared his throat and, looking away, said, quickly, "I know you two are dating. And it's uh, I mean, I don't mind. I'm happy for you guys." Stan nodded, as if to say that was all right by him, and Kyle at least seemed to stow away his murderous intent for the time being, while Kenny sat down across from them.

_Well_, he thought to himself, _that certainly took longer to figure out than I would have hoped_.

But at least he was on track with everyone else now, which was something to be happy with, everything considered. Butters sat next to him - rather closer than Kenny was used to, which for some reason made Kenny's heart nearly jump out of his chest. He wondered briefly if he was having heart problems and frowned. It had been bothering him often, now that he thought about it, his heart would act erratically whenever Butters was around. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

He also seemed to be having hallucinations, he realized with a startle as he thought he saw Wendy and Bebe kissing across the cafeteria, but on closer inspection he saw they were probably just joking around with each other. Kenny shook his head. Worse than not noticing his friends going out would be if he assumed things about Wendy and Bebe. No, he wasn't going to get caught up in a mess like that again.

Even if he was a rather oblivious friend, he decided, as Butters touched his arm (and Kenny made a mental note to really get this whole heart thing checked out at the doctor sometime soon), he didn't plan on being oblivious to any of the other things going on around him.

**A/N**: Oh Kenny. Really I hope no one's this oblivious for real, although sometimes I think I am. :c  
Anyway, hope you enjoyed, as I had fun writing (which I really needed seeing as I have midterms next week and I'm stressed as hell because I'm failing creative writing, sigh).  
Remember to leave a review and let me know what you though, it's much appreciated! See you around.  
-tweekers


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